If you wonder how to choose the right location for supervised visits, rest assured: We’ve got you covered. In this article, we introduce you to the best locations for supervised visits and their pros and cons. Most importantly we give you a bit of professional insight. Which location is best moving forward? Why can we go bowling but not to the beach and what are other no-go’s.
At the beginning of supervised visits is the visitation plan and as part of that the question: Where do we meet? Sometimes the court order or the parenting agreement already states where. In that case it’s easy.
More often than not the location is left to the decision of the parents (or caregivers). As with almost everything this decision needs to be consensual; this means that all parties need to agree to the location. Not so easy.
Supervised Child Contact at home
If we got a dollar for every time a residential parent (the parent that the child lives with permanently) says, “No, I don’t want at home visits.” The majority of residential parents, mums and dads, foster parents or grandparents alike, do not want their children to go to the other party’s house.
“It is not safe at his/her house.”
“He/she probably has no child gates.”
“Too messy.”
“No, I don’t want that – the new partner will be there too.”
The above are just the most common concerns when we are discussing the location for the supervised visits with the residential parent. However the visiting parent just as typically wants to have the children at his / her home.
What is the purpose of supervised visits
Before we give our recommendation as an agency, let’s look at what supervised visits are aiming to do: The purpose of Child Contact Services is to keep children safe and enable them to see both parents. Normally supervised visits are just one step in the journey of separation and shared parenting; ideally leading to normal contact with both parents.
Therefore, as an agency, we recommend at-home visits where possible. As a matter of fact, they are at the very top of our list of the best locations for supervised visits. Why? We have three good reasons for this.
Reason 1: Observing the parenting skills
Chipmunks, Inflatable World, Flip out, Just Jump and the other indoor play-centres are artificial environments. Entertainment is provided, food and drinks are available to purchase and a waitress even cleans up the mess after the meal. If the visiting parent gets tired the children are usually happy enough to hop, bounce and climb on their own. Easy as. What we don’t see is the usual environment. How do parent and child interact when it is not a super fun entertainment day. What do they talk about? What does the visiting parent do when the child gets bored? The bottom line is: Even a stranger could have a great day with a child in a stuffed-with-fun play-centre. It does not tell us much about the relationship between the visiting parent and the child or the parenting skills of the visiting parent.
Safety check of the parent’s place
The visiting parent’s home on the other hand is real life. To be blunt: If we conduct a supervised visit at a home, we see if the visiting parent has tidied up, bought child-appropriate drinks and foods, child-proofed the house (particularly with younger children), arranged for food and drinks, and knows how to entertain the child or not. We see more meaningful conversations between the visiting parent and the child (or not), we see if there is a space for the child, a bedroom, toys, clothes. In short: Ideally, we are able to report whether the visiting parent’s place is a safe place for the child and if the visiting parent is able to look after the child(-ren) for an extended time
Testrun for unsupervised visits
Quite often the supervised visits are only a temporary measure. If after the first set of visits (normally 8 visits) the court decides the visiting parent can have the children unsupervised, wouldn’t you as a resident parent be more comfortable if you knew it went well at the visiting parent’s home? Because the children have been there, done that – under supervision?
That said, do we rule out other locations? Not at all! From experience we recommend starting off in a neutral location – particularly if it has been a while since the visiting parent and the children spent time together.
Child Contact Services at a public playground or park
A public playground is a perfect location for the first meet-up in a long time especially with young children. In a somewhat familiar environment (we all have been to a playground and sort of know what to do there) the visiting parent and the child can re-connect and talk and play together. Likewise a public park is awesome to throw the footie, have a chat and a snack.
Supervised visitation at a sport-park or activity related location
Sport-park, basketball courts, tennis courts, bowling centres are great locations for active children and their caregivers. A quick basketball game with a good tackle and an ‘all ten’ strike at bowling make a great talking point. Sport helps bonding with the visiting parent – especially if it is an activity loved by the children and the parent alike.
Chipmunks and other play-centres
As described above, play-centres can be great entertainment and a nice treat for a child that has not seen a parent in a while. Why does it not make our list of the best locations for supervised visits? We find often the children are playing independently from the visiting parent. In other words: Even active visiting parents can barely ever keep up with an energy-loaded child. Therefore play-centres are a great day out to ensure the children are entertained but don’t help or reveal much about the relationship between the visiting parent and the child(ren).
Fast-food restaurants
Fast food restaurants are definitely not on our list of the best locations for supervised visits. However, if time is short and the kids are likely hungry, or if shelter from bad weather is needed, yes Maccas can be an option. The playground keeps the child entertained. There are toilets. And chips and nuggets are a safe bet with most kids. But, unless the visiting parent squeezes into the tubes of the indoor playground, the interactions are limited and the environment is artificial. So similarly to play-centres, we recommend fast-food restaurants and other restaurants rather as a one-off treat than a usual meeting-up.
So our recommendation is: Start off in a park, on a playground or similar for the first visit or two, but then move on to the visiting parent’s home (where possible). If you want to make it more interesting, throw in a play-centre or another activity after 4-5 visits, but don’t make it the rule. The supervised contacts are a temporary measure to ensure the child is safe.
No, no’s for supervised visit locations
Paintball, laser-corps etc. are a ‘no’ from us. The purpose of these games is to get away from each-other. Our job as a visit supervisor is to stay in hearing range and observe what is happening between the parent and the children. Unfortunately these two don’t go together.
Beach and pool: Sadly we cannot offer visitations at the beach or in the pool either. Not even on a scorching summer day. Not only are there always safety concerns at a beach. More importantly we cannot expect our supervisors to change into their bathers and hop into the water with our clients.
Shopping malls are a no when it comes to an entire visit. If you need to pop into a mall to quickly pick something up, grab a snack or get a haircut – that is fine. However a shopping center is not a suitable location for a supervised contact with your child as it does not encourage bonding nore relationship building.
The rule of thumb for The best locations for supervised visits is: We support any location or activity where the children are definitely safe and the supervisor can remain close enough to hear and see what is going on at all times.